my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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