I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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