mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
