It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
