Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
