Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
