I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
