Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
love makes seman taste better
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
