thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
