she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
