I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
