Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
