Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
