does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
