can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
