You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
