have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
