i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
