what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
