So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
