Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
