Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
