he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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