So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
