So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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