glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize