Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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