I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
