I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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