we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
