His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
