it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found the puke drawer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
