fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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