Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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