How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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