i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
