community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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