please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
