just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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