How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
