I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
