I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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