Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
