just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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