He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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