i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
