Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that is very illegal...i love you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
