My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
