The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
