it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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