take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
