Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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