I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
