then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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