It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
