fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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