yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
