I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
