I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
