While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
