Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
